How to Prioritize Your Most Important Parenting Decisions

Maybe like us, at some point in your parenting journey, you’ve found yourself in a constant cycle of researching. It might start with a simple realization that since they’re almost 5 months old, pretty soon you’ll need to decide when to start feeding your baby solid foods. You hop on Google, Instagram, and text several friends or family members to try to learn which food you should give them first. Clicking on a few articles, you read about how to puree baby food and see a few ads for bibs, pouches, and high chairs. Your friend texts back saying that they bought a guide from Solid Starts to learn about baby-led weaning that they would highly recommend. 

The next day, chatting with your friend at the park while the kids play, you ask what they’ve been up to lately. Turns out they’ve been trying to figure out where to buy the next size up snow gear for their growing toddler before the weather changes. You quickly realize you should probably try on the snowsuit you got second-hand to make sure it fits, and what kind of mittens would even stay on the baby’s chubby hands? All thoughts of yesterday’s perusal into strategies for solids quickly disappear from your mind. 

Decision-Making Processes are Complicated 

If you’ve experienced the feeling of jumping from topic to topic, trying to research but always running out of time, and never feeling like you’ve “finished” or being fully satisfied with what you chose to do, you know the frustration. The feelings of overwhelm can quickly set in as we try to mentally juggle all the topics we’ve half-researched but never really decided on. While there are many ways that we as parents are introduced to new decision points that we haven’t thought about before, a common motivation for switching our focus is what we see other parents or families prioritizing, whether in our real life circumstances or what appears to be prioritized on social media.  

The Most Important Thing is What Matters to Your Whole Family 

One tool to address the emotional dysregulation caused by these mental gymnastics is exercising prioritization. A first step is to acknowledge that there are tons of possible areas we could research and decide about, but as parents, we simply don’t have the bandwidth to care about every decision to the same degree. Every family will have different areas that impact them more or less significantly, or that they find themselves more or less invested in. Thinking about your family’s own needs and your family values is one step towards identifying which areas matter the most to you. This may involve a conversation with your spouse, co-parent, or partner to hone in on shared priorities and needs that you both see as important for your family and your children. Effective communication can really propel this kind of conversation forward – read our post about parenting teamwork for more tips. When you’re able to identify these areas, you can start to simplify and hone your focus towards the right choices for your family. Avoiding comparison and focusing on your individual needs can also be a challenge 

A great example of a decision that many parents value differently is buying diapers. Some families may highly prioritize spending time choosing diapers carefully if their children are more sensitive to certain kinds of diapers, if they are choosing to use cloth diapers, if they have financial concerns, or for many other reasons. For other families, any brand of diaper works so they put very little mental energy into this decision. 

Prioritization To-Do List 

As a practical exercise, try writing down five topics that are of highest importance to you and five that are low on your list. Let it be an open-ended question. For example, you might be highly invested in baby sleep, but care very little about clothing styles. Remember that your topics are completely unique to you and your family, and there are no right or wrong answers as each family has a different way of prioritizing. Consider saving a note on your phone or on paper where you can “triage” a new decision area into either high, medium, or low importance. That way, when you come across new information from social media or a friend, you can provide yourself with a mental check. It’s a little thing but can make a big mental difference in how much time you spend worrying about a decision. 

If your gut temptation is to say that everything feels high, consider how you can cultivate a willingness to let some areas go. On the other hand, if you’re feeling like when it really comes down to it, nothing matters that much, consider what areas your kids or family might benefit from some extra exploration or knowledge. Prioritizing decisions can be a challenging task and should be an ongoing process! You will feel more confident in your personal values when you take your family and children’s best interests into account in your priorities. The goal is to provide yourself with a tool to slow down, use careful consideration to assess whether a new topic you come across is important enough to divert your attention, and ultimately feel confident that you’ve chosen thoughtfully.