How to Consume Parenting Resources With Less Frustration

I was recently talking with a friend about our frustrations with the parenting accounts and resources on Instagram. On one hand, it’s very beneficial to have a wealth of ideas, mentors, and inspiration for growing in our motherhood. At the same time, these good things can quickly become overwhelming, and we close the app in frustration, wondering if it’s time to delete it and take a break. It feels a little hypocritical to be talking about this, since we’re yet another parenting resource, but hear us out. How can we learn to consume parenting information without getting irritated and anxious?

A great place to start is to identify exactly what is frustrating you. Maybe it’s the randomness in topics and the constant shifts from one aspect of parenting to the next. Your brain is spinning from a post about toddler discipline turning into another about toy recommendations. Even books can feel like this. We pick up a few from the library and find ourselves flipping back and forth, not committing to finishing any of them. Maybe you are frustrated by a sense of inferiority, or that you will never be as good a parent as that influencer, who is the “expert.” Or on the opposite side, you may be annoyed that a mom with one child is telling you what to do, when her experience seems unrelatable to the challenges of your multiple children. You may feel stuck in how to move forward with a decision because both options have a strong case, making it impossible to know which is right. You may know in your heart which decision to make, but you are afraid you haven’t gathered enough evidence and research first. And lastly, you may be frustrated by a general sense of being constantly told you are wrong, rather than being encouraged in your motivation to make the best decision for your family.

Once you’ve identified what is contributing to the frustration, what should you do?  Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

• Where does this frustrating decision or topic fall in my personal scale of priorities? (See Prioritizing Parenting Decisions for more on this)
• Should I step away from certain topics for now in order to maintain peace and emotional regulation? 
• Would it be helpful for me to focus on one or a few decisions/topics at a time and limit any input on others?
• Do I need space from a frustrating resource, or do I need to use this new self-awareness to work through the frustration and find value in it?
• Am I able to identify situations where I should rely on intuition, and am I able to tune out the other voices to do what I know is right for my family?
• How can I build my confidence in my ability to be the best parent for my children?
• Am I hyperfocused or triggered by a topic that has been overcomplicated by modern parenting? Yes, I could buy an entire online course to introduce my baby to classical music, but is that worth the time and money compared to simply playing classical music regularly in my home?
• Do I need a total break from social media? Would limiting my time help me rely more on intuition?
• Is there a certain source or account that I should unfollow or get rid of?

It may be quicker to ignore feelings of irritation and move on as you learn from parenting resources, but you will miss a valuable opportunity to examine your emotional response and dig into it. A journal could be a helpful tool to write down reasons behind these feelings and your ideas for next steps. If you have these written down, you can also more easily discuss with the other parent, growing together as you figure out how to make decisions for your family.

While there is so much out there, it’s up to us as wise parents to decide which resources are helpful and meaningful for us. Feel free to unfollow someone or return a book that causes more frustration than learning, even if it’s your best friend’s favorite resource ever! We are all unique in our parenting style, individually and together with the other parent. Allow yourself to be confident in your resource choices and in your intuition.