Overcoming Decision Making Paralysis in Your Parenting 

Think for a moment: what’s that parenting decision that you’ve been avoiding? Putting it off for later… hoping it’ll just disappear… and maybe the question of what to do will be mysteriously and miraculously solved. Maybe you’re feeling anxious about making a choice, worried that you’ll do the wrong thing, or uncomfortable with the options available to you. 

All of these can be signs of decision paralysis. It’s common to feel this way with some of the decisions you’re making as a parent. We surely have! 

One common theme that we felt ourselves and have heard from other parents when it comes to parenting decision making is that they often feel stuck in the research phase. When it comes time to make a decision, you might read and research endlessly, but feel some “analysis paralysis” about the best way to move forward. 

This might be particularly true for more controversial decision topics, such as medical decisions or baby sleep. There are many different factors that can contribute to this feeling of choice paralysis, where you feel stuck between options and unable to confidently choose the best one for your child. Let’s delve into some of the reasons why you might be feeling stuck and ideas for how to move forward with confidence! 

What causes decision paralysis? 

1. Decision Fatigue

There are so many decisions to be made all the time as a parent. It’s common to feel exhausted by the constant choice pressure! Lots of parents have a hard time pressing on amidst so many everyday choices. Decision fatigue in general can be a contributor to choice paralysis. If we’re feeling burnt out from decision making, we can find ourselves avoiding decisions or lacking the energy to follow through. 

2. Overwhelming Number of Options 

The wide world of parenting accounts on social media and websites telling us what to do on the internet can provide an overwhelming number of options. There are a hundred brands of baby sunscreen, 30 potty training books on Amazon, and strong polar opposite opinions in every mom Facebook group. For some decisions, it may feel like we can’t move past reading and researching because we’ll never find out everything we need to know before deciding. 

3. Comparison Culture 

Social media in parenting, as well as artificial parenting labels and boxes, can also make us feel inferior in our choices. Maybe we’re avoiding making a decision because it’s not the same or as good as what someone else is doing. Perhaps we aren’t working with the same resources or the same constraints as someone else, which can make our decision making process feel inadequate. (For more ideas on combatting this culture of comparison, check out this blog post.)

4. Fear of Failure 

Some parenting decisions have high stakes for our children, especially medical or care based decisions. This can naturally be stressful, putting pressure on us as the parent to do the right thing. But whether the decision is big or small, fear of failure can easily keep us paralyzed from making the right choice with confidence. 

5. Fear of Judgement 

We may feel afraid of the decision that feels right to us, because others may judge us. Perhaps it’s not the same decision that our parents made back in the day, or it’s different from other mom friends. Especially when we need support in moments of decision fatigue, feeling like someone we know (or even someone on social media) might judge our decision negatively can be a hindrance. 

6. High Stress Levels 

Sometimes, we might leave a decision hanging out in limbo forever because we have so many other stressors in our lives. The pressure to make the perfect choice can weigh on us as parents. Maybe the decision isn’t a high priority at the time, or even if it is, there are other things higher on the list. General stress levels can prompt us to ignore or avoid difficult decisions, as we naturally don’t want to add more anxieties to our already overflowing plate. 

7. No clearly “right” or “best” choice 

Another reason why a decision might wither away unresolved is because it doesn’t seem like there’s a clear best choice. If we’re choosing between two good things, either of which might work well, or if we’re choosing between things where the potential outcomes are unclear or unknown, it can be hard to just pick one. 

What if there’s no clear answer?

So you’ve identified why you are stuck with a particular decision, but what should you do now? When there’s no obvious next step, try some of the following strategies to help you make a confident choice. 

Discuss with your spouse or a friend 

Get some input on the options you’re researching from someone else invested in your family — your spouse, a parent, or a trusted friend. For some people, verbally processing the options or even the reasons why this decision has you so stuck may be helpful. Discussing potential outcomes is a helpful decision-making technique to give you insight into what might work best. They may also be able to remind you of a previous decision that was successful (or unsuccessful). 

You could ask for accountability in making a choice by a certain timeline, help in reviewing resources, or simply support in the process. Maybe talking it through will help the choice become clear, or at least serve as an external motivator to move out of the research phase. 

5-3-1 Strategy 

Try this strategy for decreasing the number of choices on the table. This will work best for decisions where you are deciding between many things (some examples could be buying a baby carrier, or choosing a pediatrician). There may be multiple good options — which can decrease the fear of making a bad choice, too.

Start by writing out five top options. Then, consider each individually with their pros and cons. This would be a great place to involve a spouse or friend as well! Strike out two of the lowest ranking options to decrease your considerations to the top three. Repeat the process and strike two more options, leaving you with one best choice. 

Choose what fits with your intuitive style 

Whether intentional or not, you’ve already made many decisions for your child. Consider which option fits with your style thus far. Is there a stand-out choice that generally supports your parenting style or approach? Instead of comparing to social media, let your own decisions guide you. 

While parenting labels and boxes can hinder our decision-making, sometimes identifying our own style can positively illuminate the values we hold as most important. Considering these broader values when stuck on a decision might be a way to move forward with a choice that feels right to our gut feelings or intuition. Chances are, choosing the option that matches other choices we’ve made and liked in the past will feel right. 

Consider the worst case scenario

If you’re stuck between several options, try considering the worst case scenario. Maybe you’re choosing a product, and you might spend unnecessary money or buy something you don’t use. Maybe you’re deciding about potty training or introducing solids, and you choose a strategy that is unsuccessful. Whatever the decision topic, each family will have their own definition of what a really bad outcome is, and may have different priorities to promote or avoid. This strategy can be helpful in overcoming a fear of making the wrong choice, since for many decisions, the worst outcome may not be as bad as we first think. (On the other hand, this may not be as useful when making a medical decision.) 

In some cases, the worst case scenario might be not making a decision at all or having something decided for you, which may be a motivating factor itself. 

Don’t publicize your decision 

If anxiety or fear of failure or judgement underlies your decision, you don’t have to share what you’ve chosen with others. There’s no need to post it to your social accounts or even tell other mom friends. You can simply keep it to yourself, especially if doing so brings you more peace or takes the pressure off of the choice. 

It’s easy to feel the need for validation about our decisions from others. Our current culture of social media sharing can definitely enhance these feelings! If possible, pushing past these feelings and building up our internal confidence can be much more helpful in the long run. If the decision and its outcomes are working for your family, that’s the most important thing. 

Reduce your number of important decisions through prioritization  

As an overall strategy for combatting decision fatigue and overwhelm, consider prioritizing the decisions you need to make. First, you could try prioritizing topics or categories where you have a strong opinion. This will allow you to decrease anxiety or pressure around decisions that you don’t really care about, hopefully ultimately removing some of the decision paralysis. You could also consider prioritizing particular values that your family finds important. These may appear differently across different topics but unify the decisions that are most significant for your family. 

While the multitude of decisions to be made does not magically disappear, you can make progress towards reducing fatigue and stress levels using this tool. Read this past post for more tips on prioritization in decision making! 

Set it aside once you’ve decided 

Once you’ve made a decision, it might be temping to keep over-analyzing your choice after the fact, or looking for signs of success or failure. While it can be helpful to pay attention to how the decision turned out (especially if you need to backtrack or make a change), dwelling on it too much can just decrease your confidence. Try to set that area aside and move your mental energy on — if we’re being realistic, there’s probably another decision waiting in the wings, anyway! You can do this while still keeping a reasonable eye on whether your decision was a good one or might need revisiting. 

There may be circumstances in which you do need to revisit or re-evaluate a decision. Check out this blog post for more tips on how to approach re-evaluating past decisions if you find yourself in that situation. 

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that you are doing your best for your family! The first step is to acknowledge your desire to make the best decision for your child. While handling the stress of parenting decisions, whether big or small, can lead to decision paralysis, we hope you find a useful tip here that can help you move forward in building your decision-making skills. Good luck!