Getting Most of Our Parenting Advice From Social Media

In August 2023, the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health surveyed a group of 614 parents who had at least one 0-4 year old child.¹ They asked about the use of social media to share parenting ideas. 80% of these parents of young children (84% of mothers and 69% of fathers) use social media for parenting topics. As we suspected based on our own friends, it is a large part of most modern parents’ tool kit, especially those who have become new parents in recent years. Let’s look at how the majority of parents are using social media platforms, and the pros and cons of getting a large amount of parenting advice there.

Why Are Parents Turning to Social Media?

The study mentioned above asked why parents chose to use social media for parenting content. 62% said they wanted to hear different ideas. 27% mentioned the convenience, 25% wanted to do things differently than their parents, and 9% said that they don’t have friends/family nearby to ask. You can probably relate to at least a couple of these! 

The parents also indicated what they thought social media was “very useful” for. Here are the results:

• Getting new ideas to try = 44%
• Making them feel they’re not alone = 37%
• Learning what not to do = 33%
• Deciding whether to buy certain products = 25%
• Helping them worry less = 16%
• When to take child to the doctor = 11%

The most popular topics were toilet training (44%), kids’ sleep (42%) nutrition/breastfeeding (37%), discipline (37%), behavior problems (33%), vaccination (26%), daycare/preschool (24%), and getting along with other kids (21%).

Trying Something Different

As the stats indicated, social networks can be a great way to source new ideas or tips. Other parents can share their real perspective after trying a particular method or product. Often these hacks can be small changes with positive impacts to your parenting mindset or day-to-day routine. For example, scripts are very popular on toddler accounts. You’ll find plenty of ideas for what to say to your toddler to encourage cooperation and minimize conflict. Your own child may react well if you try one of these next time they are about to throw a tantrum over leaving the park.

We do have to take these new ideas with a grain of salt, though, and be aware of the negative impacts of social media. If the latest popular script isn’t working for your toddler, resist the urge to think it’s something wrong with you or your child. When my toddler was younger, I remember trying to create fancy sensory bins for him, only to have him dump everything all over the floor. I realized that it wasn’t the right thing for his personality and definitely wasn’t worth the time it took to clean up. Time spent on physical activity, like going to the park, was a much better fit for us. I had to get over the fact that all the moms on social media seemed to make the coolest sensory bins that produced hours of independent play!

You also may be in a season of life where you don’t have the capacity for new ideas. When aspects of life are overwhelming, or we want to lower the amount of mental noise, we may need to step back from the fire hose of ideas coming from our mobile devices. Rather than looking externally to solve our problems or points of tension, we may need to delete our social media apps, focus on observing our child, and be okay with missing out on some possible amazing parenting hacks.

Camaraderie and Community

It can be difficult to find community and friendships when you are juggling parenthood with everything else! Social media can create an easier way to connect with other parents, including those with similar interests. Facebook groups can allow you to gather ideas from a wide geographical area, or to find and meet up with parents in your area. You may find social activities via Facebook events or Instagram stories about them. When we see other parents post Instagram stories with real moments from their parenting, it helps us feel like we’re not the only ones. You also may worry less about something with your children if you can quickly gain a second opinion from social media friends. As a parent, we’re always running into new situations and challenges to solve, and it can be so helpful to have another outside perspective with new strategies.

On the flip side, friendships on social media can lack depth. Typing will never replace face-to-face interactions, and we all have a tendency to post the highlights of parenting without the insecurities and challenges. A “real life friend” will know you and your situation better, and they will be able to give more personalized advice and social support. You will also see the ups and downs in their life and be able to encourage each other through them. Depth is also missing because we have to take precautions to protect our personal information online and not overshare on social media sites.

Parenting influencers and social media accounts are even more one-sided. We see their curated content and can easily feel like we are doing everything wrong! There is certainly a place for learning and sharing knowledge, and I’ve learned a lot from these types of platforms, but we need to be intentional and create boundaries for ourselves. Be aware of how you feel after scrolling social media. Are you left with a negative attitude towards your children? Do you feel emotionally exhausted from seeing bits and pieces of so many people’s lives? Are you overwhelmed by new pieces of information that may change how you think about a topic? If so, do you need to unfollow some accounts? Set limits on social media usage? Or avoid mindless scrolling altogether?

Ease of Accessing Information

Social media can provide an effective and convenient way to sift through resources. A friend may recommend a certain account or course, and taking their suggestion is usually better than trying to blindly find resources ourselves. We can also see a variety of opinions and answers quickly, by posting in stories or asking in a Facebook group. It’s easy to click right to a link, or even to save it for later. We can follow a parenting account on Instagram and give ourselves time to evaluate their account before purchasing anything.

One downside of social media when accessing information is the tendency to find information you didn’t really need. Mindless scrolling can lead to decision overwhelm, when we feel like we have to second guess everything we are doing in light of new information. Instead of scrolling, try the tips from this blog post! When you do encounter new information for the first time, allow it simmer in your brain before immediately trying to take action. If it keeps coming back to the front of your mind, maybe it’s worth digging into more! For more on consuming resources without frustration, see this past blog post.

Another downside is the word limit. Many social media formats have a limit on how much nuance can be added, so it turns into a game of trying to grab attention with cool reel videos and controversial takes. Information on social media will naturally be more one-sided. It’s also heavy on personal experience and opinion. This might be exactly what you need in a certain situation, but you will have to evaluate if more expertise is needed. You will also have to decide which resources are reputable sources of information. There’s not much to stop anyone on social media from posting bad advice or false information. According to the study I discussed at the beginning, two in five parents think it’s difficult to distinguish between good and bad parenting information on social media.

Finally, the information consumed via social media is not personalized. You may get strong opinions from friends or parenting accounts, but they are most likely speaking to their experience without understanding your unique situation. Someone like a lactation consultant, your child’s primary care provider, or therapist will be able to apply their training to your concerns and needs. And that personalized, face-to-face interaction will likely give you more confidence that it’s the right plan of action, with less second-guessing.

To Consider:

What role does social media play in your parenting? Who or where do you turn to when you have parenting questions? Are there situations where you should ask a trained professional for input in making your decision? How do you implement new ideas or strategies into your parenting? How much time do you spend online? Is the screen time you spend on social media worth the benefits you are gaining?

¹ Clark SJ, Schultz SL, Gebremariam A, Singer DC, Woolford SJ. Sharing on parenting: Getting advice through social media. C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health, University of Michigan. Vol 44, Issue 3, November 2023. Available at: https://mottpoll.org/reports/sharing-parenting-getting-advice-through-social-media