Resource of the Week: Episode #180 of The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast

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Full Title: The 1000 Hours Outside Podcast, Episode 180: In Some Cultures They Never Yell at Children | Michaeleen Doucleff, Ph.D., Hunt, Gather, Parent (Spotify link)

For those who enjoy listening to podcasts for their parenting research, we have one for you this week! It focuses on how we parent toddlers and young children, giving practical tools for how to remain calm during tantrums and how to incorporate your child into the family’s work. If you are struggling with your toddler and wondering how you can foster cooperation instead of control, this podcast is a great place to start.

The 1000 Hours Outside podcast host Ginny Yurich interviews guests on a variety of topics, and this episode is with Michaeleen Doucleff, Ph.D., author of Hunt, Gather, Parent. She begins by addressing a common belief that children are manipulative and controlling, out to get their parents. She clarifies that there is no evidence to show this, and in fact, it’s the opposite. Our children love us and want to please us.

Yelling is Childish and Ineffective

Ms. Doucleff’s book centers around her observations of parent/child interactions in three non-Western cultures: Maya families in Mexico, Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and Hadzabe families in Tanzania. In these, she found several differences from standard American parenting. One she discusses in the podcast is yelling. The other cultures view yelling as ineffective and childish. When parents raise their voice at their children, all it teaches them is how to yell. Instead, try the opposite – talk softly and significantly lower your energy. Like the parents in the cultures she studied, consider children to be little irrational, emotional creatures. With this mindset, you won’t be as surprised and frustrated the next time you face a meltdown at the park or grocery store.

How to Shift from Entertaining Your Kids to Working With Them

She encourages families to invite children into the family’s work, rather than orienting their life around entertaining the children. While this might make the work take twice as long, or create a mess, we may need to let go and just clean it up. We expect the parent to teach the child the “one way” we believe things should be done, but sometimes, the child might even find a better way to accomplish the task.

More importantly, children gain a sense of belonging to the family by having responsibilities and contributing their little efforts. Toddlers are so eager to try to wash dishes, help make dinner, and wipe surfaces. How can we encourage this help even when it’s inconvenient for us? This approach to work streamlines well with the suggestions for practical life activities in The Montessori Toddler book, mentioned in a previous Resource of the Week.

Find More…

If this topic intrigues you, Michaeleen shares so much more in her book (Hunt, Gather, Parent). You will find plenty of practical examples of how she changed her interactions with her daughter. I immediately started using her suggestions after reading the book. You may also enjoy other episodes of the 1000 Hours Outside podcast, especially if you want to incorporate more outdoor time into your child’s day.